It's cathartic for me to write, so here it goes. I have been 1 cm dilated and 75% effaced for three weeks. My last appointment on Tuesday, I bumped up a whopping one cm. I am thinking great, success and a bit of progress!. Let's keep plugging along! Not so fast. After my elation, the midwife brings up that my doctor would want to induce me by 41 weeks, which would be next Wednesday the 13th. Huh? What did she mean? I though I had another two weeks to have this baby? Isn't 42 weeks the magic number? Not 41? I mean that's like years of time. And then surprise again, once I talked to my doctor yesterday, learned that she wants to induce me on Friday night to Saturday morning. Hold the press....first thought I had two weeks, then one, and now 3 days? And just like that, in my whole cool perfectly normal 10 months being pregnant, I now felt terrified, sad, disappointed, and like a complete failure.
And the tears haven't stopped yet.
10 months of anticipation, has accumulated into these last few moments, the possibility that I could be induced, the reality that I AM going to have a baby, and the reality that I will be a mom come this Saturday. All of sudden everything is going too fast and I don't feel ready.
Life doesn't always happen how we hope, and I am sure this wont be the first time I am confronted with these feelings while embracing my role as mother.
I wish for only one thing...that my baby girl is safe and healthy no matter how she graces herself into the World.
Te amo menina.
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