I miss you. I have missed you since the moment you left my side. I missed you at my graduation day, I missed you at my wedding, I have missed you gracing the front porch of our home in Portland. But this past week, I have been missing you more than I ever have. And the reason is very clear, Rafa and I are going to have a baby and you both will be Great Grandparents from above. I long for what could have been though, the day when you could meet our child. I want so much to share with our baby the legacy of you both and how much you meant to me. Is that possible? Is it even right? Do I reserve those special feelings to myself? When you know of something so pure and wonderful, isn't it normal to want to share that with your child? Don't get me wrong. Baby Figueira will have so much family and love around, and will create many wonderful and lasting memories in their life. The abundance of love will be felt forever. But the questions remain in my heart and the fear resonates in my soul. I long for you both to know each other and what the road will be to get there. And this is even before I have met my own child. But I guess for me, the moment of motherhood began when I decided to have a baby. 
Maybe as our child grows, I will bring you both to him/her is simple ways. I will put glasses on my forehead and pretend that I can't find them, I will teach you to play solitaire, I will bring you a flower in the morning, I will say, "Today is a good day because I am alive", I will curl your hair and paint your nails (maybe if you are a boy too!), I will call you Sunshine (boy too!), I will take you on picnics, I will bake you French Butter Creams, I will write to you when you travel far, I will send you my last $5, I will hug you when no one else will.
Our child may never fully understand what you meant to me, but maybe that fact that I know, is enough for the entire World.
Lovingly,
Your Susnhine
