Yesterday morning, Lucia and I had the day off from school and work. We decided to go to breakfast at our usual spot. While sitting together, the TV was on , and we see a newsflash, "Newton, Connecticut School Shooting". My first thought was, nothing is going to happen. And on our way we went to run some holiday errands. My mom first sent me the email, 20+ dead. Final count, 28, 20 of them children. I literally lost my breath, for what seemed like minutes. I just cried and cried. Lucia, now so much more aware of feelings, says, "Momma sad?". Yes my perfect baby, yes. I am terribly sad. And since yesterday morning, I have been inconsolable.
Yesterday, it literally felt like the World paused and was stricken with grief. And all you could hear were cries and all you could see were tears.
I have, in my best way, tried to carry on, enjoy the weekend, go to Zoo lights with friends, have our little Christmas here. But I can't seem to pull it together. It doesn't seem fair to carry on with joy with so much sadness this tragedy carries.
I am still so sad. And I feel guilty about that. I have no direct relation to the tragedy. Those weren't my children, or my sisters, or my friends. How is it right that I should feel so much grief? But I do. As I muster around the last two days, in contact with friends, or people, I am just waiting for that person to say, "You too?" "Let's cry together".
I am sure, the pain will lessen, and I will carry on. But you better believe that I will never forget this day and no one ever should. I don't want us to talk about gun control, or motive, or portraits of the event. I want to talk about compassion and love and relating to our fellow humans once again. This tragedy is a wake up call for us to be kinder, gentler, more loving, and for heavens sake, to raise our children with an ounce of empathy for people from every corner of the World.
“If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.”
― Mother Teresa
Rest in Peace....
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