Dear Lucia...

Wow baby girl, these first 4 months of your life flew right on by. You have ignited my life beyond words.  You have encouraged me to be stronger and weaker, to let go, to live a little lighter, and to enjoy every minute of my life.  And girl, we have had some fun.  We spent the first few weeks, eating, sleeping, eating some more, learning about each other, and hanging out with our family.  Your Brasilian family came to visit (Vovo, Vovo, Tio Gu e Tia Raquel), as well as your Oma, and your Great Aunt Desi .  I am certainly not the only one who fell in love all over again.

Since then, we have been on the go.  You are definitely a mover and a shaker, you love to be out and about seeing faces, people, places.  Most weeks, we went to Baby and Me class and shared stories, met new moms and babies, and week to week you enjoyed class more.  We had picnics in the park you and I.  We laid under the trees, cuddled, felt the breeze. We swam, a lot, and you are ready to be a world class swimmer, I can tell.  Being dunked, splashes all over...no worries you say, I was born to swim, even since 8 weeks young.  We met up with friends for breakfast, for hikes, for the movies, or just for playdates.  We took walks in the front pack (by the way, you could live in one of those they make you so peaceful), we took Bella to the dog park and watched her run.  We rarely napped you and I, momma was too busy taking pictures and videos and posting them and sending them to everyone and anyone who would pay attention. And you, well you are just a light sleeper I have learned.  Too much to do, see, and learn.  I love your passion for your life already.  Sure, times weren't always easy for us; fits of crying, lack of sleep, days where we didn't even get out of bed.  But through the last 4 months, we overcame the challenges and we sure made the most of our time together.  We even went on trips (a little mommy indulgence), and you were such a trooper both times; flying, riding in the car, new environments, new schedules.  My sweets, you weren't fased a bit.  We were so lucky to visit San Diego to see friends and the sunshine and to Seattle for one last little hoo-rah before, well, before I head back to work.

And this is what this letter is all about.

Mommy has to go to work on Thursday and you start school tomorrow. Baby girl, I am going to miss you.  Looking into those big brown eyes, squeezing those fluffy cheeks, kissing your eyes to sleep.  I have studied you every day, all day long.  I know what you need and want, I know how to help you when you cry, I know how to make you smile, and sometimes laugh (although it takes mommy acting a bit nuts!).  You and I have spent all of our time together these last few months and it has been the happiest time of my life.  You are the one thing I do right and I have found home right where you are.

But now we must venture into this new phase of our lives.  And one day you will read this letter and wonder why I am such a sap (hehehe), or you will read this and wonder why I chose to go back to work, or you will read this and be facing the same decision for yourself, as a new mom.  And what I can tell you (and what I have been telling myself) is that some of the hardest choices in life, come with the best results.  Mommy will thrive at work and be able to provide you with the best life possible.  And you will thrive too, meeting new friends, experiencing new caretakers, and having lots and lots of fun at school.  And then we will come home to each other.

Sure, we will miss each other, there is no doubt about that.  And while I am going to put on my best smile possible for you tomorrow, please always know, that this will be my hardest day as a mom so far.  I love you so much Lucia Kate, and even though you are sound asleep in your sweet little duck pj's right now, I miss you already.

Love your sappy mom.